An entire lifetime can pass us by, while we remain forever consumed with gaining and losing the same ten pounds. Repeat.
What a phenomenal waste of energy, and this situation begets some important questions. Firstly: Why do we do this to ourselves?
Learn a language. Travel. Take up a hobby. Try a new sport. Read a book! Thousands of things that we could otherwise be doing, if we weren’t distracting ourselves so successfully with the eternal quest to lose the five or ten pounds that come and go with the predictability of the changing seasons. And I should know, because I’ve been guilty of this. The endless desire to be five pounds lighter. But guess what happened when I was five pounds lighter? Yes—it wasn’t enough. Just a few more pounds, and then I can stop, I’d tell myself. It’s a dangerous, never-ending game. And it’s also a monumental waste of time. Not to mention a waste of energy that can be far better spent elsewhere! And why the distraction? Just what are we distracting ourselves from in our lives, with this obsession? What are we avoiding?
A woman can never be too rich or too thin. Well, it turns out you can. While the internet can’t agree on the originator of this quote (best guess is the late American socialite, Wallis Simpson), most people agree that it’s incorrect. In fact, it’s downright dangerous. I can’t say that I’ve experienced either state, but I do know that if you become increasingly thin, eventually, you will die. As for being too rich, if that ever happens, you’ll all be among the first to know. And would it be a problem? No idea. I suppose my online banking app would stop sending me those wonderful bi-weekly notifications, reminding me that “you are spending against your budget.” And yes, I’m aware; the notifications are nothing if not redundant.
As for the quest for thinness at any cost, I posit that deeper issues are afoot. It’s not usually about being a size 8 versus a 6, or a 6 versus a 4. And this situation begs the question… just what in our lives are we distracting ourselves from? This obsession serves a purpose. These unhealthy behaviours, the constant quest to be five pounds lighter…why? Most people never stop to consider that when they are five pounds lighter, they will still wake up with the same problems, challenges and anxieties that they had when they were five pounds heavier. You will have the same life; nothing else magically changes. What the obsessive dysfunction over the five or ten pounds does allow is the following: It allows us to avoid the deeper issues in our lives that need addressing, and these issues are as many and varied as the day is long. Unfulfilling relationships, financial stress, kid problems, in-law problems, work problems, emotional scars left over from childhood (unaddressed year after year)—you get the picture. An obsession with the five pounds gives us permission to avoid the real issues that lie buried underneath.
If you can relate to any or all of the above, then it’s probably time to excavate. Go to therapy. Deal with it, because if you don’t, you’re missing out. Robbing yourself of peace, of calm within the body. Of being whole. Robbing yourself of a life that could be well lived and better spent without this never-ending obsession.
By no means am I suggesting that we shouldn’t strive to regain and/or maintain our health. I want to make that very clear. The issue is the why. As for that eventual “happy weight,” well this number will vary person to person. Based upon a variety of factors, a healthy weight for one person can differ markedly to another. What I do wish to stress is that when this focus becomes obsessive, we must look at what else is going on in our lives—the bigger picture (no pun intended). Take a step back, and I encourage you to take a meta view of the situation from above. What’s happening underneath it all? And if you do find that you have no unresolved childhood trauma, and no current relationship angst, then firstly, congratulations. Secondly, if you really do just want to lose ten pounds so that your pants are more comfortable, then take a walk. Cook real food from scratch. And perhaps stop eating before you’re crazy full and verging on a safety-pin-to-secure-your-pants situation. Just stop with the obsession. The thing is, when we fill our lives with wonderful, non-food pleasures that bring joy, food no longer becomes the be-all and end-all. And that’s when our weight will naturally settle at a happy, healthy place. I know mine did.
Love Jane xo
ps – As of today, my weekly musings on moderation will move to a fortnightly offering. I wish to spend a little more time working on my second book, and I don’t know about you, but my weeks up here seem to disappear faster than the food in my fridge (and no, I haven’t suddenly regressed two decades). I live with four hungry, growing teenagers who seem to burn up energy at an unprecedented rate. In any event, the next installment will be arriving on the 20th of April, to an inbox near you! And cheers for the feedback, both private and public. xo
